Let's Just Live a Little and Dance When We Can
by incurableinsanity
Summary: Boys' Love. One-Shot. Humanstuck!AU. SolBro. All Sollux Captor wanted in life was some kind of semblance of normality.


_"Let's Just Live a Little and Dance When We Can"_

_**Setting:**__ Humanstuck; no SBurb  
__**Pairing:**__ SolBro, minor DaveJohn, minor GamKat, and mentions of others  
__**Rating: **__M  
__**Genre:**__ Romance/Hurt/Comfort  
__**Point of View:**__ Third-person  
__**Warnings: **__Homosexual relationships, swearing, attempts at humor, fluff, Sollux with Bipolar Disoder, few suicidal thoughts, and possible OOC. Italics are typically flashbacks, thoughts, foreign words, or stressed words.  
__**Further Notes: **I seem to enjoy some pretty rare ships for no apparent reason. For record's sake: Sollux is twenty-three; Dave, John, Rose, Jade, Karkat, and most other 'trolls' are twenty-two; Gamzee, Dirk, Roxy, Jane, and Jake are twenty-four; and Bro is twenty-eight. As for familial relationships: John & Jane are siblings, Dave, Dirk & Bro are brothers, Jade & Jake are cousins, and Roxy & Rose are sisters; The Lalondes and Striders are cousins. Rating this M for the suicidal thoughts but not really anything else.  
**Edit:** never proofread at midnight. fixed POV mistakes.  
_

* * *

All Sollux Captor wanted in life was some kind of semblance of normality.

He quite liked his life, don't get him wrong. He loved both his dads, no matter how much they could drive him crazy. He could deal with his bipolar disorder- he had medication for that. He had friends, yeah. He had Karkat, Dave, Aradia, and a couple others. The first two were the ones that really put up with him, though, since Aradia left the country years ago to go traveling or something.

But, his life still wasn't normal.

He always felt like the universe was throwing something terrible at him at every possible turn. Oh Sollux, you have a bad migraine? Here, have terrible neighbors that blast music at ear-shattering levels. Oh Sollux, you have to finish this code tonight or it'll never get done? Here, let's crash your computer and erase everything since your last save. Oh Sollux, you haven't been with anyone since that girl Feferi? Here, let's make sure no one ever tries to engage you in conversation besides your friends and family, because no one wants you to experience heart break again, right?

His luck was shit. It wasn't normal, not being able to do anything without worrying about an attack being triggered, something breaking, switching into a depressive mood. The only thing that ever survived was his coding. He couldn't mess up numbers, lines, braces, and brackets. After the time his computer crashed, he switched his program to auto-save every other minute, but it hadn't crashed since then. For that, he was thankful. He almost destroyed his well-built computer that day in a fit of rage.

All in all, Sollux didn't think he could ever settle down for anything without worrying and having anxiety. So, he stayed home most of the time, took his college courses online (right up until he recently graduated), and coded. He ate if he remembered to (didn't want to burn the kitchen down), and slept on his bed if he could stay awake long enough to get there.

It wasn't anything normal, but he never really could hope for anything of the sort anymore.

* * *

When he received the invitation, Sollux wasn't sure if he wanted to leave the apartment. Yeah, Dave finally getting a ring on John's finger was a pretty big achievement to be celebrated. It took years for John to actually admit he was homosexual, at least for Dave, and when they finally got together in high school, it was pretty much a sealed deal. Sollux hadn't talked to anyone as much since he moved to New York, even though everyone had basically migrated there, only because he was too busy doing anything else to try and be social.

He stared down the invitation, the card with the R.S.V.P on it, and the little boxes to be checked off if he could go. He didn't realize he was staring at it for so long, until his phone vibrated against his leg. He started slightly, pulling it out.

"Hey KK," He answered. "What'th up?"

"_Listen you dickmunching baggage of rotting bones. I swear to God if you don't go to Dave's wedding, I will personally come the fuck to your shitty ass apartment, rip out your fucking spine, stab your computer monitor with it, and fucking give it back by shoving it up your stupid ass. You will go to Dave's wedding whether you fucking like it or not. You have been rotting in that apartment for years; When's the last time you got any fucking sunlight, huh? It's kind of fucking important to get out once in a while, don't you fucking think or is all that you think in is ones and zeroes?_" Karkat ranted loudly, and Sollux pulled the phone away to avoid damaging his ears.

"Wow, KK. Why don't you tell me what you really feel?" He put in once the other stopped for a breath. "I mean, theriouthly, hathn't being with GZ chilled you out at all? For Chritht'th thake, KK, go take whatever he ith."

"_Fuck you._"

"You'd have to buy me dinner first," He quipped, then added, "And I don't think GZ would be happy with all the adultery."

"_Just shut the fuck up for one second and let me get the words out of my mouth. Just go to Dave and John's wedding. Everyone from high school is going. When's the last time you even went out?_"

The coder grimaced when he couldn't remember besides going out for groceries a while ago. He leveled his voice when he answered, though, "I jutht came back from my morning run, KK, can't you tell? I'm thweating from all thith exerthithe and whatnot. That thun beating down on my thkin when I run four mileth in two hourth. Can you feel that KK? It'th jutht me being completely healthy and remembering to eat fruitth and carbth and getting Vitamin D and being a bodybuilder in dithguithe."

"_Do you just spout the first fucking thing that comes to mind, you lisping twatwaffle?_" Karkat paused. "_The wedding isn't even for another two months. That's enough time for you to fucking readjust to natural lighting and fresh air like a goddamned normal person._"

Sollux sighed, "I'll think about it."

"_If they don't get a positive response, I will fucking come hunt you down, Captor. Don't test me._" The phone clicked, and Sollux snapped his phone shut.

He stared at the invitation pitifully, wondering if it would give him an answer.

It didn't, but neither did the universe, so he grabbed the nearest pen and checked the 'attending alone' box.

* * *

Within the two months to Dave and John's wedding, Sollux did not "readjust to natural lighting and fresh air like a goddamned normal person." He coded and slept little, ate here and there. He dug out his old tux, which thankfully still fit. He talked to his dads twice, when they mentioned the wedding. John's father had been talking to them about it, and his dads were excited for it, even if they weren't attending. They bothered Sollux about proper dress wear, things he would need, what to get for a wedding gift, etc. Sollux listened to it all without complaint, considering he hadn't heard from them in a while and it was good to see his dads, even through video.

Then when it came to be the day of, Sollux had to drive out to wherever the ceremony was taking place, tugging at his blue and red striped tie uncomfortably. He preferred comfortable clothing, like pajama pants and t-shirts. Formal clothing needed to find a nice ditch to fuck off in, because wearing this stupid fucking tuxedo was more uncomfortable than the time he had to wear a back-brace when he was twelve and had Scoliosis.

The drive took no more than an hour from the city, to which he was thankful, and he arrived at the hall. Sollux sighed in his seat, pushing up his tinted glasses, and ran a hand through his hair. He glanced at the wedding gift, and then the building. He didn't really want to go.

He would be lying if he said he wasn't having a bit of anxiety of seeing so many people there. He hadn't really talked to anyone besides Karkat, maybe Gamzee or Dave every now and again. He only communicated with Aradia through letters, and he briefly wondered if she would be here. John usually initiated conversation between them, but it was pretty rare.

He wondered how mad everyone would be if he just turned around and left. He could mail the gift to Dave and John's apartment, and then could go back to his typical kinda-routine. Karkat would get over it, and it wasn't like he talked to many other people anyhow. He glanced at the keys he had pulled from the ignition, and a flare of anxiety shot through him.

Either way, he would be judged. Show up and be judged in person for what he looked like or bail and be judged for not going like an asshole. It was a lose-lose situation, and he questioned why he checked the attending box in the first place.

A knock on his car window startled him, but he hopefully didn't show it when he looked to see Karkat standing there, scowl in place on his pale skin. Karkat's dark eyebrows were furrowed, and his dark hair fell into red-brown eyes. Gamzee stood a little ways back, the Hispanic lacking any of the usual face-paint and with his hands in his pockets.

"Let's go asshole," Karkat said and Sollux sighed. There was no getting out of it now. He pocketed his keys, grabbed the wedding gift (a card with money), and exited his shitty car. He looked down at the other, who crossed his arms.

"I wath getting there KK. Why are you trying to rush perfection? I know I've got great lookth, but even I have to take time to make mythelf prethentable." The coder spoke with a raised brow and Karkat rolled his eyes.

"Shut the fuck up, Captor. Let's get going already," He shook his head, starting off. Gamzee waved to Sollux with an easy smile, and he waved back slightly.

It was going to be a long day.

* * *

The ceremony itself was nice. It wasn't overly "ironic" in Dave standards (probably due to John), but Dave still rapped his vows at John. John sang his to that stupid song from that Nic Cage movie he liked so much. Dave couldn't stop smirking through the entire thing when John's face turned tomato red at the end of it all. He probably kissed John for a good two minutes before Dirk had to pull them apart.

The reception went into full swing right after that. They moved to the large hall where it was taking place, both cocktail hour and everything after. Sollux found himself sitting at a table with Karkat, Gamzee, Terezi, Kanaya, Jade, Rose, and one blank spot that had him questioning silently if it was supposed to be for Aradia (definitely not Vriska; not since she had a nasty breakup with Tavros and began hating them). The table closest to him had Feferi, Eridan, Tavros, Nepeta, Equius, Dirk, Roxy, Jane, and Jake. He was content to sit back and let the others talk, answering a question here and there. He scanned the rest of the room out of boredom; there weren't too many people there since Dave and John's families were quite small.

Dave and John soon entered hand-in-hand, doing some dance to a song Dave would probably call ironic. Everyone laughed as Dave did it with a straight face, but John couldn't keep the grin off of his face. Sollux wondered if John's face would split in half if it got any bigger.

The traditional dances were run through before opening up the floor to others. Terezi had dragged off Karkat the moment she could, cackling all the way over. Gamzee laughed as he languidly moved over to join them, Jade bouncing over as well. Kanaya laughed lightly and offered her hand to Rose, who took it with her typical sassy smile. He quirked an eyebrow at being the only one left, and a glance at the other table showed that they had all gone too, even Equius (Nepeta was really just using him to do all sorts of crazy moves).

Sollux wasn't really surprised. Everyone had someone to chat or be with, whether it be Rose with Kanaya, or Jake with Dirk. Roxy had Jane and Nepeta had Equius. Feferi and Eridan were off to the side, while Tavros was smiling along with Terezi and Jade, allowing Karkat to have time with Gamzee. He was just there.

They could have invited him, but they all knew he would decline. Sollux hated dancing because he was bad at it. Even if he didn't, he wouldn't dance alone. He needed a dancing partner so he wouldn't feel so awkward about it, but he wasn't about to intrude on the thing his friends had. Sighing, Sollux leaned back, crossing his arms, and settled in to watch his friends be the dorks they were.

"Sup," A voice startled him some time later, and the coder barely managed to not jump. "Can't help but notice you're all brooding over here at a wedding."

"No, I thoroughly enjoy thitting alone while watching my friendth be with each other. I enjoy it tho much, I will not move from thith thpot until they all go home and then I will go home and write them all perthonal letterth thanking them for being tho mushy and groth and allowing me to witneth it." He snapped, before realizing that it was someone he didn't know.

Shit, fuck, shit, didn't he know by now to think before opening his mouth? Obviously, the only thing in his head were coding lines and sarcasm, and he obviously couldn't fucking remember how to talk to someone he wasn't familiar with. What the fuck, why couldn't he go _two seconds_ without fucking something up-

Before he could even apologize, the stranger chuckled and sat down next to him. Sollux glanced over, and blanched, realizing that this was Broderick Strider and he just snapped at the older brother of one of the grooms.

Oh fucking hell, why didn't he watch his mouth-

"Don't mean to intrude on your friend watchin' then," Bro stated, raising an eyebrow in amusement.

"No," Sollux said quickly. He paused, "Uh, I mean. Ith not like ith thomething I don't thee all the time." A lie, considering he didn't talk to most of them anymore, but it's not like Bro needed to know. "Did you need thomething?" That seemed like a good thing to ask.

"Nothing I need," Bro shrugged minutely, "Just wondering if _you_ needed anything."

Huh? "Why would I need thomething?"

"Dude, I've been watchin' you watch your friends for the past half hour." Bro snorted, "You looked like you needed someone to talk to."

"And you dethided it would be you? My hero." Sollux remarked dryly, before wincing inwardly. God damn it, he was going to make the guy think he was a terrible person at this rate.

"I don't see you swoonin'." Bro replied, leaning back in the chair. Sollux blinked behind his glasses, confused. Usually at this point, people who didn't know him would walk away, fed up with his shit. It was different.

"Thorry, let me get right on that," He mimicked a swoon, leaning back on the back legs of the chair, before letting it fall back into place. "How wath that?"

"Six outta ten. Coulda been a ten if you fell in my direction."

"I'll keep that in mind for the next time you thweep me off my feet."

"You better. Don't want you fallin' and hurtin' your head." Sollux's lips twitched upwards, and Bro snorted in amusement. The coder found it easy to talk to the eldest Strider for some reason, maybe because Bro was just as much of a sarcastic shit as he was, though he used it to hide his anxiety. Speaking of which, he hadn't been as anxious once the conversation got going. It was like Bro and he had been friends for a long time, and conversation just flowed naturally.

Sollux found himself actually enjoying the rest of the evening.

* * *

He ended up sleeping for eighteen hours after that. Once getting home, the coder had taken care of some minor things, changed into some well-worn sweatpants and no shirt, threw himself under the covers, and passed out within moments.

When he finally woke, more recharged than he had been in a long while, he actually moved to the kitchen and made something to eat. Of course, the toast went half eaten, but it was more than usual.

Sollux fell back into his kinda-routine for the next month, until he got a text from Karkat.

_From: KK_  
HEY FUCKFACE.

He blinked, debated answering, before sighing. He saved the code he was working on, just in case, and hit the reply button.

_To: KK_  
what do you want kk

The next response was nearly instantaneous, as Karkat tended to do that whenever having a text conversation.

_From: KK_  
MY PLACE. YOUR SKINNY ASS HERE. TOMORROW AT THREE.

_To: KK_  
2hould ii even a2k why kk or am ii not good enough two get an an2wer? ii thought what we had wa2 2peciial kk, why are you ruiiniing our relatiion2hiip?

_From: KK_  
NO. FUCK YOU. WE HAVE A PERFECTLY AGREEABLE FRIENDSHIP WHERE I THOUGHT I COULD GET YOUR TALL BONY ASS TO MY FUCKING APARTMENT WHERE WE COULD SPEND QUALITY TIME AS FRIENDS TOGETHER LIKE THE BEST FUCKING FRIENDS WE ARE WITH NO QUESTIONS ASKED. YOU ASSHAT, SHOULD I RECONSIDER OUR FRIENDSHIP?

_To: KK_  
your apartment? not 'gz and my apartment'? how 2elfii2h of you kk. ii thought you and gz 2hared that place you call a home. do ii 2en2e ten2iion iin the paradii2e that ii2 your 2elf-hatiing liife?

_From: KK_  
FUCK YOU. GAMZEE AND I ARE NOT HAVING PROBLEMS, THAT WAS JUST QUICKER TO WRITE. GOD FUCKING DAMMIT, IF YOU TURN INTO ROSE LALONDE ON ME, I WILL MURDER YOUR IN YOUR SLEEP.

_To: KK_  
kiinky.

There were a few minutes with a lack of response, and Sollux assumed the other was blowing a gasket in his shared apartment not too far from where he lived. Eventually, though, he got a reply, while he had resumed his work.

_From: KK_  
WHATEVER. ARE YOU COMING OR WHAT, DOUCHEMUFFIN?

He sighed, thinking about it briefly. It was only Karkat and Gamzee, so he supposed he could.

_To: KK_  
2ure kk. 2iince you a2ked 2o niicely.

Sollux received one last text with a goodbye that he didn't bother writing back to, focusing on his work once more.

* * *

Christ on a burning Crucifix, Sollux wanted to kill Karkat. Well, not really, because Karkat was and always would be his closest friend, but he had seriously regretted agreeing to come over. Not only did he forget that Karkat hadn't told him why he should come over, it turned out it was because Karkat had planned something for Sollux's birthday (to which he had completely forgotten about, aside from the call he got from his paternal figures). It wasn't too many people. Dave and John were there (back from their honeymoon a week ago), Gamzee and Karkat (obviously), Kanaya and Rose (figures), and Terezi made an appearance too. Still, he wasn't too fond of surprises, so his mismatched eyes nearly jumped from his head when he opened Karkat's apartment door. His heart had been racing for a good ten minutes after that, even as things settled down.

Once again, Sollux had found himself watching his friends. Karkat was trying to actively engage him in the conversation, but more than once, Terezi would drag Karkat away for something else. Gamzee was talking to John while Dave talked to Kanaya and Rose. The coder seriously wondered why they bothered doing things for him if he was always left watching. He could have spoken up, but he felt like he was intruding, and anxiety settled heavily in his stomach at interrupting his friends and annoying them.

Which was why it was a bigger surprise when he suddenly heard next to him, "Sup?"

Bro took a seat next to Sollux on the loveseat, draping his arm across the back. Sollux blinked, confused. He didn't even recall seeing Bro there when he got in. He mentally shook his head and replied, "What are you doing here?"

"Heard Dave was going to this, and I had nothin' better to do, so I tagged along." Bro shrugged. "Why the long face, man? Ain't it your birthday? The big whatever number you are now. Should be celebratin' like it's a new year and what not. We should get a ball to drop for you, with a big countdown and everything. 'Cause you need to lighten up or somethin'. You like to brood at celebrations or whatever? To each his own, dude, but that seems kind of pointless."

Sollux snorted, "Twenty-three. I am twenty-three and there ith nothing thpecial about it." He paused. "I do not brood at thelebrationth. I quietly obtherve them alone." He shrugged, "And I do not like thurpritheth."

"Hey, never been a big fan of 'em myself. Surprising the boys," -Dave and Dirk- "though was entertaining as all hell. Scared the living shit out of them a bunch of times when they were younger." The mental image provided made the coder snort again. "And you are brooding by the way. Sulking like the kid that never gets picked for the dodge-ball teams in gym and is forced to either sit out or be made a target by whichever team he isn't on. Don't be that kid, bro. Don't want you to get hit in the face with hard rubber balls that could break your nose."

"That made no thenthe," Sollux rolled his eyes, then let his gaze roam over the rest of the room. Everyone was still engaged in their conversations, though the groups might have shifted a little. "Maybe I like being the kid getting hit in the fathe. Then I can go to the nurthe and go home. Get out of thchool early. Why the fuck wouldn't I want to get hit in the fathe?" He snapped a little, immediately regretting it. He wouldn't sulk if he wasn't so afraid of starting a fucking conversation or just joining in.

"S'Mighty painful to have a broken nose." Bro stated and he tried not to wince. The guy was just probably trying to be nice, and he was just being a complete asshole to someone he didn't even know that well. Even if they talked for a few hours during the wedding, that wasn't an excuse to just be the snarky shit he tended to be.

"Yeah, well, it'th not that bad if you're uthed to it," He mumbled and Bro shot him a raised eyebrow. He had a feeling Bro knew he wasn't really talking about being hit in the face with a dodge-ball, but it's not like it wasn't obvious. Thankfully, the eldest Strider said nothing on the matter.

"So, did you get any gifts for being another year older and closer to your impending death?" It was an abrupt subject change, but Sollux allowed it.

"Money, mothtly. KK gave me thome coding bookth and KN gave me clotheth thinthe she hath a heart attack each time I go out in thomething she findth unprethentable for thothiety." Bro snorted in what may have been amusement towards his cousin's girlfriend, and Sollux pushed some of his chestnut hair out of his face, his lips threatening to twitch upwards. Sometimes he dressed terribly on purpose around her just to see her reaction.

Conversation topics switched abruptly between them, and Sollux found himself at ease in conversation with the blond just like the last time as more time went on, and he hated Karkat less than he originally did for this stunt.

* * *

Sollux found himself waking one morning to not wanting to move. He didn't want to get up, didn't want to get any work done for his stay at home job, didn't want to go eat, or even get up to go pee. He just wanted to bury himself back under the blankets and sleep the world away. He just wanted to sleep forever, to not have to deal with work or people or anything.

His mind drifted off in his thoughts. The location of the knife drawer in the kitchen, the razor behind the bathroom mirror, the jump-rope he still had from when he was a kid buried somewhere in the closet. His mind wandered, came up with different scenarios, different thoughts on how his friends would react. Karkat would probably blame himself. Gamzee would help him through it. It wouldn't matter if he was gone, because people would have someone to help them through it. They weren't alone like was. They would all move on eventually, and it would be like he was never there in the first place.

(Sollux absently knew that he needed to get up and take his medication. It had been a while since his last episode, so he would still have some left. The bed was just so comfortable though...)

He lied there, still, drifting in and out of consciousness for some unknown amount of time. He had gotten up once, briefly, to finally use the bathroom, glanced at the bathroom mirror, debating, and then sluggishly threw himself back into the bed, resuming his position. His stomach may have rumbled, but he felt no need to get up, didn't want to eat, and just tried to sleep.

(The worst thing about his episodes were that he completely lost track of time and that he felt nothing but the desire to sleep. He could be dead asleep for days before anyone noticed.)

The next time he woke into a half daze and not just a partial awareness to his surroundings, it was to the sound of his phone buzzing. He was tempted to ignore it, but he finally opened it to look at the messages. The first two he looked were from a few hours ago, the most recent just a few minutes.

_From: KK_  
CAPTOR.

_From: KK_  
CAPTOR ANSWER ME OR SO HELP ME GOD I WILL FUCKING SPAM YOUR FUCKING INBOX.

_From: KK_  
SOLLUX. ARE YOU HAVING AN EPISODE? SOLLUX, FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, GO TAKE YOUR FUCKING MEDICATION.

The coder rolled himself out of bed, stumbling along the way. His stomach rumbled in hunger he hadn't felt for awhile. When he glanced at the date on his phone, he realized a day and a half had passed. There were more messages that he had yet to look at, but he was focused on finding the medication he needed. Once he found and took it, he ambled to the kitchen to find something to eat. His movements were still sluggish, and he still felt beyond tired, but he managed to make a few pieces of toast without setting his apartment on fire. While he ate it, he looked over his messages.

_From: DV_  
dude karkat is blowing a gasket or something you should probably answer him

_From: DV_  
hes going to fly off the the metaphorical handle and then well all be cleaning up the mess hell leave as he falls to his death

_From: DV_  
nobody wants to clean up karkat bits man just answer your messages

The annoying thing about Dave texting was that he had a smartphone, so he sent his texts in waves, but on Sollux's shitty basic phone, they all came separately. It was a pain in the ass to look at since he couldn't see them all on one screen. Finally, he opened a new message to his shouty friend.

_To: KK_  
relax kk ii ju2t took iit now.

He paused, before writing another one.

_To: KK_  
2orry for worryiing you.

He hardly apologized, but when it came to Karkat, his best friend was the one that typically handled his episodes and it made him feel kind of bad. Karkat had his own life and a juggalo drug addict to love and deal with, and it was unfair to make the guy deal with him, too. Sollux didn't have anyone else to really help him through it, which was why Karkat took up the job. Sollux had been saved by him more times than he could count (for which he returned on different circumstances and situations), but it wasn't fair for Karkat to do it forever.

_From: KK_  
WHATEVER DIPSHIT. JUST REMEMBER TO TAKE IT NEXT TIME.

_To: KK_  
wiill do.

The brunet placed his phone down on the table, and finished his toast. He could get back to the work he was now behind on, but the computer was in his bedroom, and he would just be tempted back into bed instead. His meds wouldn't take effect for a little bit longer, so he moved into the living room and sat down on the shitty furniture he passed off as a couch. He turned on the television, then one of the gaming consoles he had.

He played video games well into the evening, just to keep himself occupied and away from any depressing thoughts.

* * *

Whenever Sollux received messages from unknown numbers, he usually ignored them. He usually got spam for free cruises to the Bahamas, and would spend his time returning the favor to the original sender once he had a moment of free time. Such favors included plenty of free cruises, a blue screen, and then a destroyed hard-drive.

Therefore, when Sollux got a message from an unknown number, and he was working at the time, he put it off. He had several more things to do for his job before he could take his time fucking with whoever decided scamming Sollux Captor was a good idea. However, when he finally opened the message, it was not a typical scam.

_From: Unknown Number_  
Sup?

The coder blinked. There were only three people he knew who used that phrase, two of which already had their numbers in his phone. Just to be sure, he responded safely:

_To: Unknown Number_  
who'2 thii2?

Since the first text was a while ago, he wasn't expecting any quick response. In the meantime, he finished up some extra work and headed into the living room. He recently bought a game online and wanted to start it as soon as possible. He had Garrett halfway to the book he needed to get for that one guy when his phone buzzed again.

_From: Unknown Number_  
Dave said you typed oddly, but I didn't believe him. Who do you think it is, man?

Sollux snorted.

_To: Unknown Number_  
ii don't know. iit could be dave playiing 2ome iironiic joke on me two pii22 me off for no rea2on.

_From: Unknown Number_  
The lil'man can't even capitalize and use punctuation when he's writing shit for school. What makes you think he can handle it on a phone?

_To: Unknown Number_  
good poiint. hello bro.

_From: Unknown Number_  
Sup?

Identity safely assured, Sollux added the number to his contacts, though wondered where Bro got his from.

_To: Bro_  
nothiing be2iide2 playiing game2. you?

_From: Bro_  
Aside from engaging you in riveting conversation? Nothing at all. I got Dave to give me your number.

That answered that question.

_To: Bro_  
fiigure2. am ii exciitiing enough for you mr 2triider?

_From: Bro_  
You are as exciting to me as MLP is to Dirk.

_To: Bro_  
ii'm not entiirely 2ure that ii2 a good thiing.

_From: Bro_  
Dirk loves MLP, man. He would shove Dave off the couch whenever he wanted to watch it. Shit was hilarious before Dirk moved in with Jake and Dave married John and they got a house together.

The brunet flushed slightly, placing down the controller finally to pay more attention to the conversation. Garrett could wait on escaping the ruins.

_To: Bro_  
ii'm 2ure iit'2 a2 hiilariiou2 a2 iit ii2 iironiic.

_From: Bro_  
Damn straight. I knew you had some sense of irony in you.

_To: Bro_  
two bee acknowledged by the great elder 2triider ii2 a great honor. ii thank you for 2ayiing 2uch thiing2 that do not de2erve two bee heard by my non-2triideriian ear2.

_From: Bro_  
S'always a pleasure, bro.

Sollux snorted in amusement.

* * *

To be honest, Sollux hadn't really ever had people over. Karkat and Dave were the ones that usually came over, and they didn't mind the mess, having messy homes themselves (Gamzee was a slob, no ifs, ands, or buts, about it. John, though, probably told Dave to clean or there would be Hell to pay).

Therefore, when Bro asked if he could hang out with Sollux two days later, the coder took one look at his apartment and said, "shit." Most of his clothes were thrown haphazardly around the room, in similar style to his bedroom. Most of his games were actually stacked away on the small book case meant for DVDs. There were empty energy drink cans sitting in stacks and pyramids in both his bedroom and living room, as well as a few stacked up high in his kitchen.

He would have left it, but the thought of someone new coming over to his apartment made his anxiety flare, so he cleaned up. He tossed dirty clothes into piles in the small room that held his washer and dryer to be washed some other time. He tossed the empty cans into a trash bag, then took that as well as the actual (slightly overflowing) garbage down to the chute. He wasn't vacuuming the carpet because 1) it looked clean and 2) he didn't think he actually owned a vacuum. He did own a broom though, so he swept up the crumbs on the kitchen floor from when he actually remembered to eat.

Two hours later, Sollux had showered and dressed in comfortable jeans and a black t-shirt with his zodiac sign on it. He lounged on the couch, finally going back to his game. He had stopped the other day and then couldn't play the day before because he had a job to do. He got Garrett crawling along the weird wall ledges around the asylum to get to the office when his door was knocked on.

"Come in," He called, trying to subdue his anxiety. It had lessened once he cleaned the place, but it still sat at the bottom of his stomach, making him fidgety and restless. He listened to the door opening and closing, then foot steps coming from the side.

"_Thief_? Nice," Bro commented, sitting beside him. Sollux hummed.

"Hey," He said a moment later, almost forgetting.

"Sup?" Bro replied, an eyebrow raised. Before he could respond however, Bro glanced around and added, "Dude, did you clean for me? I'm touched."

Sollux felt his face burn, but he tried to ignore it. "Who thayth I cleaned? Maybe my apartment ith alwayth thith way."

"You're friends with Lil'man, so there's no way you're not as much as a mess maker as he is," Bro shrugged, though there was a hint of amusement. "Nice, but not really necessary. My place isn't all that clean either."

"It wath dirty," The brunet stated, trying to keep looking at the screen. "I've been meaning to clean it anyway. You only rushed it along ith all." Bro snorted but didn't comment, leaning back to watch Sollux play. By the time Sollux finished getting Garrett through the asylum and onto the next thing, he glanced back at the blond. "I think I have thome two playerth if you don't want to thit and watch me play for hourth on end."

"You seemed focused on the game, so I didn't interrupt. Watching games can be just as enjoyable as playing them, depending on who exactly is playing them," The other answered. "I'll bite though, let's see what you got."

Sollux, less nervous about being watched the whole time, paused the game and moved over to see what multiplayer games he owned. Bro joined him moments later. The two discussed a few of his games when Bro noted them, before finally deciding on a game to play.

Sollux booted up his Nintendo 64 and prepared to kick Bro's ass in Pokemon Stadium.

* * *

(He thought he had been doing okay. It had been a month since his last attack, but unlike his depressive episodes, his manic ones built up over time, catching him unaware when it finally hit.)

Sollux typed quickly, not even pausing to check for error. Lines upon lines of codes appeared on the black screen at an increasingly rapid pace. When he finished with one, he moved onto the next one. The work he had been 'slacking' on had been caught up on just as easily, and then some. He did work for his side jobs, fixing websites he was hired to help monitor. When he finished with that, he moved onto his own personal projects. One after another, he worked, not caring for how much time he was spending on all this.

He was annoyed, but didn't know why. He was just annoyed. Annoyed at Aradia for being gone all the damn time. Annoyed at everyone for having perfect lives. Annoyed at himself for having a shitty life with the universe attacking him. Annoyed at being annoyed.

So he typed. He coded. He pushed his anger into his lines, made his swift typing even faster, made angry little noises at the occasional error. He ignored everything else. He could work like this, just focusing on the codes and numbers, the braces and brackets. It all made sense to him, whereas everything else did not. Tuning out the world was second nature to him, and the only thing he listened to was the sound of his fingers hitting the keys on the keyboard.

Energy drinks started to pile up next to him, but he neither noticed nor realized he was even getting up to get them.

It wasn't until a hand clapped down on his shoulder that he jumped, and finally, _finally_, stopped typing. He blinked, startled, and whipped around to see who the hell was bothering him why he was working. He hated being interrupted, even more so when he was on a roll.

Bro looked down at him with a raised eyebrow. "You okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be okay?" Sollux snapped, perhaps unintentionally. He just wanted to turn around and get back to work.

"Because you haven't answered my messages for the past three days, and I was wondering what the hell was wrong with you." The coder furrowed his brow, confused and slightly less angry. Three days? He took his phone off the desk, frowning at the date.

Shit.

He opened up the inbox to see a mass amount of unread texts.

Double shit.

Some were from Bro, like the blond had just said. Others were from Karkat, and a few from Dave. The ones from the latter two were mostly 'where are you's and 'are you okay's and a few of Karkat's being 'take your medicine (though these were littered with creative adjectives and degrading names, but that was just Karkat).' He opened up the recent one from the eldest Strider.

_From: Bro_  
Okay, since you decided to ignore me, I went ahead and asked Dave what was up with you. It would've been important to know that you had Bipolar Disorder, but let's not focus on that. Apparently Karkat isn't available to come see you, so I'm coming over. If you aren't having an episode, then there will be words.

Sollux felt most of the anger drain out of him. The only irritation that remained was the one towards himself, because now he had made more people worry because he was stupid and couldn't get a damn hold on his life.

"Bro, I-" He didn't know what to say. He just felt extremely tired and done with life in general. He really didn't deserve the worry he was receiving. He wasn't worth the attention.

"Quiet, Captor," Bro stated, holding out his hand. "Later. Meds first, then food, shower, and sleep." Sollux grabbed the larger hand, pulling himself into a standing position. Almost immediately, he nearly stumbled and fell, and he suddenly felt a lot more exhausted, fatigued, and even a bit hungry. Bro steadied him and led him to the location of his medication. He took out the bottle with shaking hands, managing to pop out the correct amount and swallowing them with a bit of water. His vision blurred a little as he somehow got the bottle back into place, and then Bro led him to the kitchen table. He sat down, thankful because he wasn't sure if he could continue walking.

Bro worked in silence, and Sollux wasn't quite sure how to take that. Was Bro angry? Upset? Deciding he wasn't worth the trouble and effort? He wondered if it was better that way, but couldn't bring himself to voice the opinion or ask those questions. Eventually, Bro set down pancakes and a glass of water.

"You need to refill your cabinets; almost everything is expired." He stated, sitting at the other end of the table. The coder ate under his watchful eye, mumbling,

"Never eat enough to have to conthtantly buy thtuff." The blond raised an eyebrow, looking like he wanted to comment, but didn't. Sollux kicked himself mentally for opening his stupid mouth. Once he was finished, Bro shoved him into the shower. He didn't so much as shower as he did just stand under the spray, attempting to not fall over, though he did actually wash his hair and body eventually. Out, he changed into clean plaid, red and blue pajama pants and a white t-shirt that was a little to big for his bony frame.

"Bed," Bro ordered, lightly pushing him towards the bedroom.

"Won't be able to thleep till it kickth in," Sollux said, even as he rubbed his eyes. His head hurt by this point. "Too hard to thit thtill." The blond hummed, probably thinking to himself. After a moment, he led the coder to the living room. Sollux sat on the couch as the other left to go shut the lights, much to his happiness. The lack of lights helped the pounding in his head subside somewhat. Bro lifted him back into a standing position, laid on the couch, then gently pulled Sollux to lay against him.

"Wha-" Sollux jumped, stiffened at the contact. His head was resting on Bro's shoulder, one of his arms resting on Bro's chest. Bro wrapped an arm around him, then used his hand to start carding through the chestnut locks. Slowly, he began to relax against Bro, even if his mind still raced.

"Go to sleep Captor. I'll keep you still until you do." He could feel the movement of the broad chest underneath his hand when Bro spoke. He closed his eyes, willing himself to try and keep his thoughts to a minimum. He buried his face into the other's shoulder, lightly twisting his fingers into the cottony fabric below them. His mind was still wondering, rapidly thinking:

_How did Bro even get into his apartment? Was it Karkat's key he took or Dave's? Did Dave even have a key? He was pretty sure only Karkat had the spare. Unless Dave made a copy of it. Wouldn't be surprising, that's for sure. Dave probably made a stupid copy. Fucking pain in the ass blond. Probably wanted it for his ironies, in whatever way he decided it would be. Maybe he was trying to get ready for some stupid prank to do in the apartment for enjoyment. He hoped to god there were no smuppets in his cabinets. Or closet. Or anywhere actually. Unless he did give Dave a key way back when. He might have. Just in case Karkat lost his. Though that sounded unlikely. Dave probably lost his, if he did have a copy. So Bro probably got the key from Karkat. He said Karkat was unavailable. What was that shouty little shrimp up to? Maybe he gave up on him, gave up on caring for his stupid ass. After all, he wasn't worth the effort. It made no sense how much Karkat cared, so it shouldn't be surprising that he would eventually stop. Bro did, though. Why did Bro care? What made him so special that the eldest Strider gave a damn about him. Why-_

Sollux dozed off without realizing it, unaware of the hand gently still running through his hair.

* * *

He felt immensely tired. He just wanted to fall back into sleep and recharge until he was ready to function in society once again. Sleep sounded so good right now. He was warm and comfortable and his thoughts were no longer going a mile a minute; it was the perfect combination for sleep.

But he had to pee.

He slowly cracked an eye open, taking in the dark surroundings. There was barely any light coming through the windows, though that may have been due to his dark curtains. He took a deep breath, releasing it slowly. He opened his other mismatching eye, and slowly woke himself up. He watched the rise and fall of the chest in his view. There was a rough (yet strangely gentle) large hand resting in his hair, cradling his head as he rested against a strong shoulder. As he finally ascended to actual wakefulness, he realized that Bro was asleep.

He didn't want to wake the other, so slowly, he disentangled himself from his human pillow and the couch. He grabbed a blanket from his bedroom and brought it to drape it over Bro before finally heading to the bathroom to pee. He felt better than he did before. The dosage of medicine he was prescribed was stronger than what most other people got, but that was due to the fact he tended to swing between the episodes he dealt with. Fortunately, it got him feeling better quicker, though he knew it would still take time for him to completely come down from the episode.

Quietly as possible, Sollux made his way back to the couch, wanting to sleep a bit more. He carefully got under the blanket, resuming his position. He watched the rise and fall of Bro's chest tiredly, but he soon acknowledged the fact that Bro was no longer asleep.

He whispered, "Thorry."

Bro's breathing paused for a moment, but the other replied back just as quietly a second later. "No need to be sorry, Sollux."

"I should have told you...probably got you mad at me when you thought I wath ignoring you."

"It wasn't something you wanted to share. I don't pry for information unless it's readily given. There are things I haven't told you either."

"Thecretth, thecretth are no fun unleth shared with everyone," Sollux whisper-sang, a small grin forming on his face. Bro huffed, but it appeared to be in amusement.

"Says the one who technically ignored me."

"I ignored everyone and everything but the computer. Don't take it perthonally." He mumbled. "Thtill thorry about that though."

"Apology accepted, even though I just told you not to be sorry." Bro said now, amusement slightly more apparent. Sollux chanced a glance at the other's face. Without the hat on, Bro's hair tended to stick out in all directions from hat hair. It reminded him vaguely of John's constant windstorm hair.

"Thought I should, thinthe you thpent the time coming here. It'th not really worth it." Bro's arm around him tightened, and Sollux couldn't look away, even though he was looking at the black expanse of triangular shades.

"Why do you say that?" Bro asked in a quiet tone. Sollux paused, debating. He hadn't meant to say that. He never meant to say that to anybody.

"I...I don't get better. KK hath worried about me thinthe we were kidth about my attackth. It hathn't gotten worthe, but it hathn't gotten better either. I don't remember to take the medth until I'm well into an epithode. KK and DV are alwayth watching after me when they have better thingth to do with their liveth. They have people to be with...they shouldn't have to worry whether or not I've remembered to eat within the latht fourty-eight hourth. They have thingth they could be doing but they wathte their time on me. They shouldn't be bothered with it...because I wouldn't, if I were them."

Silence took over the room the second he stopped speaking, and he felt the anxiety bubble up the longer it went on. He couldn't keep looking at Bro, so he looked away, frowning. He still couldn't get over the fact that he just said all that to somebody. Let alone the one guy who just went through him being an unintentional asshole for the last three days and still showed up to help.

It was terrifying and he couldn't figure out why.

Slowly and carefully, Sollux was guided back to looking back to Bro's face. Completely unshielded. The almost golden eyes kept his attention when the keeper of those molten irises began to speak.

"You matter. You don't seem to realize it, but we worry because we care. You are worth it to us, because without you, we would all be upset. You are part of our lives. Karkat wouldn't have thrown you a birthday surprise if he didn't care. Dave wouldn't have invited you to the wedding. If you were such a problem in their lives, they wouldn't try, Sollux. They care enough to worry and to help you when you can't help yourself. Everyone has ups and downs, but just because yours tend to be worse doesn't make it any different. People care about you, Sollux Captor. Karkat and Dave care. Your other friends care. I care. Don't think you don't deserve it. You've helped them all in important parts of their lives. I remember when Dave was worried about asking John out, and you told him to man up and do it. I don't think he would have done it if you hadn't helped push him along. I'm sure Karkat wouldn't have finished his degree without your tutoring."

Bro paused for a moment, even though his words were spoken slowly. They were firm, though, and Sollux couldn't find it in him to say anything back about it. For once, he had no retort without sounding like a broken record. But, he just _knew_ he wasn't worth it in the end-

"Sollux. You _are_ worth it. More than you know."

The coder sucked in a deep breath. He just- he didn't know. Couldn't recall the last time he didn't feel so unworthy of his friends, but each time he was told he was, some of his consistent anxiety faded. He wanted to say something, do something. He just- just wanted Bro to know that maybe he could believe him, that underneath his pile of universe-given anxiety and self-hate, he could believe something like that.

At last, he nodded and gave a soft, "Okay."

Bro's eyes softened, and his lips twitched upwards briefly. "Okay."

* * *

Sollux found it easier to get into routine when Bro helped him along. He was able to get into a semi-regular sleeping schedule, as well as eating on time. Bro was almost always over, bringing takeout with him ninety percent of the time. Their relationship had progressed and deepened (The first time they had kissed, Bro had paused and asked "Would your parents be okay with this?" to which Sollux snorted and said, "I have two dads. I think this is the last thing on the list of things they would not be okay with."). Eventually, after almost a year of traveling back and forth to each other, Sollux packed up all his shit and moved in with Bro. It took time to get adjusted, things set, but once they were, it was like they had been living together all along. Bro's apartment was much nicer than Sollux's and that was a nice bonus for the coder.

With Bro's encouragement, Sollux reached out to some of the people he no longer talked to, like Kanaya and Feferi. He still had no word on Aradia, but he wasn't counting on anything lately anymore; it no longer bothered him. Aradia was a free spirit, and he couldn't help that. He willingly went out more with Karkat and Dave, which made him feel like they were back in high school. He didn't mind. He still had episodes, but Bro helped him along which made the whole ordeal easier to get through. In return, Sollux helped Bro when he was feeling irritated about something (it wouldn't show, but Sollux was becoming adept in reading the Strider Poker Face [TM].) or just felt restless.

Finally, half a year after he moved in with Bro, Sollux found himself at Dirk and Jake's wedding.

"Dude, that shit took forever. When your younger bro gets married before you, you would think to speed up the process or some shit," Dave said to his brother, causing Dirk to roll his eyes behind his shades.

"Dave, shut the hell up."

"Yeah, Dave," John piped up, "Leave Dirk alone." Dave sighed dramatically.

"Strider, whatever shit is about to come spilling from those meatflaps you call your lips better back peddle straight into your hot air-filled head," Karkat swatted at Dave, who swatted back childishly.

"_Mommmmm_, Karkat's bullying me." He whined.

"Strider-"

"DV, cut it out, or I will give you a time out," Sollux snorted. Dave grinned. Ignoring him, Sollux turned to Dirk, "Congratth on getting a ring on hith finger, DD."

"He _does_ make my _kokoro_ go _doki doki_," Dirk agreed with a sly smirk, and Jake groaned,

"Would you stop with that?"

Dave quipped, "That's like getting him to stop watching MLP, dude." Dirk looked completely serious when he said,

"Rainbow Dash, Dave." Sollux huffed silently, before leaving the group. Karkat had enough too, apparently, and went to go see what Gamzee was up to. The coder sat at the table, watching his friends interact. He would have been content, for the first time in a while, to just sit and watch them, but he hadn't even been sitting for ten minutes when he heard,

"Sup?" Sollux smiled, looking at Bro.

"Jutht watching." Bro hummed then held out his hand.

"Wanna show these dorks how to dance?" Sollux looked to the floor, watching his friends dance. He thought back to Dave and John's wedding, when he was sitting alone and anxious, not willing to dance for fear of looking stupid and not having a partner. He glanced back to Bro and his waiting hand. He stood and took it, and pecked Bro's lips quickly.

"Sure." The universe had finally done something right with him, and it was the person standing before him.

This time, he had a dance partner.

* * *

_Fin._

* * *

_I want to do Bro's side, but I'm not even sure I did a good characterization of him. Or Sollux. Meh. _

_Fun Fact: I was working on a fic for one of my OTPs when suddenly this sprang on me and so I went and started it. And apparently, I finished it first._

_Penny for your review?_


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